Episodes
Sunday Oct 30, 2022
Interview with Chuck Bergman 2022!
Sunday Oct 30, 2022
Sunday Oct 30, 2022
In October 2021, I did an interview with my good friend and world-renowned psychic Chuck Bergman. The reviews are in, and you loved the episode! So I brought Chuck back for another interview about the spirit realm just in time for Halloween 2022. If you missed the last interview, or are not familiar with Chuck, let me introduce him.
Chuck was born in Jacksonville Florida and is a third-generation psychic medium, following his mother and grandmother. He realized his gifts at an early age, but kept it under wraps for years. Chuck went on to serve in the United States Navy for 4 years overseas and during the Vietnam War where he was assigned to Special Ops and Radar Operations on aircraft carriers Shangri-La and John F. Kennedy. After the military he served 32 years as a motorcycle officer, patrol officer, computer and media specialist, and accident reconstructionist in Salem, Massachusetts. Since retirement and going public as a psychic medium, the A&E Channel and The Biography Channel have featured Chuck on his own pilot program Psychic Search. Chuck has also been a repeat guest on many live radio shows, including Coast to Coast AM, where Chuck and I met and began our friendship over 10 years ago.
In addition to regularly holding sessions and giving readings as a medium, Chuck has helped numerous police departments around the world locate missing persons, solve murder cases, and assist several law enforcement agencies across the country and internationally with on-going investigations. He regularly holds group and private sessions in Middleburg, Florida, and does phone readings with clients worldwide via Skype. Chuck is passionate about educating people on the concept of life continuing after so-called death. He has also completed classes in meditation techniques, psychic mediumship, advanced mediumship, and Reiki. James Van Praagh, the world-renowned psychic medium, teacher, and co-producer of the CBS drama The Ghost Whisperer, highly recommends Chuck for psychic mediumship readings and lists Chuck on his website. Chuck co-authored the book The Everything Guide to Evidence of an Afterlife (published in 2011) and wrote his autobiography Psychic Cop published in 2012.
Chuck and I did an episode on this show in October 2021, and talked about various topics such as
What is life like for you now being a liaison between us and the spirit world? How did you know you were connecting with spirits and not going crazy? Can you describe what it’s like when you are in the moment connecting with someone on the other side? Why do you think some people can see spirits and others can’t? How do we tell when a spirit is communicating with us? Why do spirits talk in clues or hints and why do they have limited time to talk to us? And more. Without further ado, let’s welcome, Chuck Bergman.
Questions for our interview 😊
- Tell us about yourself and your background, your time as a cop, and how you transitioned into a psychic
- What are some similarities between being a cop and being a psychic?
- Would you get premonitions about the event you were going to before you went there? Would the spirit talk to you about their murder before you got to the crime scene?
- How has your communication with the spirit world improved over the years?
- A lot of people have had spiritual experiences where they have seen, felt, or heard a loved one who has passed on. How do they know what they went through is real?
- Does any pain a person went through in physical life automatically disappear when they enter the spirit world? When we say, “may they rest in peace,” or, “they are not suffering anymore,” is there any truth to this?
- Has a spirit told you a purpose for the pain they went through on Earth? For example, have they said they had cancer because it was a part of their karma?
- When someone dies, do they know they are dead, or do they need help from other spirits to tell them they have passed on?
- What are some things we can all do to help us clear out our mental clutter to be able to communicate with our loved ones on the other side?
- What are some things spirits have told you that they wish they did while they were alive? Did they wish they loved more, spent time with their family more, or gave to others more?
- If we all go to the afterlife, is there really a reason to fear death?
- There is a lot going on right now. Do you find that spirits have a message of hope for the world?
- Why are our loved ones involved with some of our activities and not involved with others?
- Do you ever talk to someone on the other side and get a bad feeling, like they are a bad spirit?
- Are ghosts trapped between the physical world and the afterlife or are they in the afterlife and are able to transition to a visual form in the physical world?
- Why do you think it’s hard for people to believe in ghosts, but it’s easy for them to believe in the afterlife?
When does the soul leave the body when dying? - How can you tell when a psychic is fake?
- Do spirits say that suffering is an inevitable part of a human experience, or is suffering caused by humans?
- Are there different levels of spiritual achievement such as the normal person becomes a spirit, but a person who has done more spiritual work or saintly acts on Earth becomes a higher level spirit?
Tuesday Jun 28, 2022
Ep.42 The Beautifully Chaotic
Tuesday Jun 28, 2022
Tuesday Jun 28, 2022
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
(none, these are my own experiences)
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
This episode is inspired by Timber Hawkeye’s episode Neurodivergence. Timber explained how his mind works, and how he processes information and relates to the world. As I was listening to it, I realized I never shared my processes with you. I have explained some processes that I work with daily, but never how it all comes together and how I see the world. I would like to explain that to you, and maybe someone out there can relate to one, or more of what I am about to explain.
As some of you know, I have narcissistic abuse syndrome. I was gaslighted, and victim-blamed by my parents and grandparents for my entire life. This has led me to doubt and question almost everything because nothing has felt stable. I still have a hard time knowing what is real. When I thought I felt a certain way, I was told that’s not how I feel. This is damaging to a kid growing up, and as an adult, I still question how I feel. I have a hard time knowing how to put my words to my feelings. Am I happy? Am I excited? Am I angry? What are the factors that constructed these feelings, and are they true? The fact that I can’t fully answer these questions has led me to know that I am feeling “happy” or “sad” or “mad” by believing that the majority of that feeling exists within me. Let me explain. If I say I am feeling happy, I may be about 80% sure that I am feeling happy. The 20% is uncertainty, doubt, a healthy caution that events could change at any minute, and a decent amount of skepticism about what happy really means. The same goes for anger, frustration, sadness, grief, or any emotion. When I look back on how I felt about different situations, my flashbacks will give me one feeling, while the analysis of the situation will give me another. I may have a shame wave where a flashback will come into play and the initial shame, guilt, and fear may be met with numbness, curiosity, and exploration. Does that make sense?
I extensively process what people say. I fine-tooth comb it to hear if there is a hidden meaning. If a friend tells me about their difficult day at work, I will notice patterns in how they have talked about this before. I might hear that they have a repeated word, phrase, or situation, then analyze all the parts that encompass that. From there, I will put together a picture that my friend hates their job because of their constant discomfort in working with difficult people, or maybe they hate it because the people they work with are never respectful. My mind will go deeper by breaking apart the conversation into money, time, friendships, workload, compensation, etc. Sometimes I feel like I am working their job, and I am trying to separate each piece to make a decision if the job is worth it or not. I do this in almost every situation. Breaking down every element, until I get a reasonable percentage of each factor, then I study, analyze, and provide multiple conclusions on the situation based on my analysis. Here’s how it works. A friend asks, “Would you like to go to the Renaissance Fair?” I do the following. I think about crowds, the crowds then turn into multiple, slow-walking, disrespectful, loud, messy, wrong costume-wearing people. This then breaks down to: how long will I be able to stand walking in a crowded space? Will I run into anyone I know there? If I go to one of the shows, how long before people surround me and I feel trapped? Then we break down crowds into traffic. The traffic going there, walking through the fair, going home, and in the parking lot. There is also the food element. How long will the lines be? Can I be respectful and keep my mouth shut while waiting in line for a bottle of water when the people around me are throwing their trash on the ground? What about the people who get to the counter and don’t know what they want? Now we move on to the day itself. I will have to wake up early, which means rushing, and I am bad at that in the morning. What if I forget to lock a door? If this sounds very Sheldon Cooper-y, I don’t disagree with you.
I think you get it. Some of you would call it overanalyzing, overthinking, or being too anal. Remember that I grew up not knowing what reality is, so the only thing predictable was the unpredictable, and how my parents would turn on a dime. Asking questions and getting answers is a form of comfort, of inner control of my world and feelings, and a way for me to know if the situation I am walking into is dangerous or safe. I also love delving further into situations, uncovering more layers, and really understanding a scenario. Maybe that’s why I love conspiracy theories: there are a million branches down the rabbit hole to be discovered. However, unknowingly walking into a dangerous situation is one of the hardest mental setbacks a person with narcissistic abuse syndrome can endure.
I also look at eye movements, eyebrow movements, gestures, and mannerisms. If someone does something with a certain word or an eye gesture, and it’s similar or the same as someone I have encountered in my past, my brain quickly makes the association between the two and sometimes makes a judgment on the meaning. It’s not right, or accurate, and I have to catch myself every time my brain does it. If I say I don’t watch TV, and someone’s eyebrows go up, I might take that as they think I’m crazy. If someone ignores my question, I might think I said something wrong, and they are mad at me. It’s insecurities, I know, but it’s gotten better over the years.
Sometimes my OCD gets the best of me when I need it, and when I don’t need it. I will check the locks on my doors constantly because I can’t process that I already checked them. I will look at the tomato plant for any affected leaves to be sure I pruned it to perfection. At work, I triple-check my entries and what I did to make sure there won’t be any consequences, because at my job, if you mess up on a punctuation, letter, or number, it could be catastrophic, and possibly the end of your job. This is the last habit that a person with perfectionism like me needs, but it is also good to be detail-oriented and cautious.
This high level of constant background stress has caused my psoriasis to come back. It has also contributed to my 4-5 hours of nightly sleep, my nervous ticks, and some of my digestive issues. If what I told you so far was all you knew of me, I wouldn’t date me either.
Now here’s how I’ve been able to handle this side of me. During all these situations, I remain an observer. I am the thinker, and the watcher. I know I am thinking if I go to the Renaissance Fair, I might have an anxiety attack trying to use the restroom, but that knowing part is the observer. My OCD self does the OCD things, while the observer part of me watches me check the doors. You can think of it like the little devil and angel on your shoulder always trying to pull your strings to make a decision. I am self-aware of my habits. I have the ability to watch what the other part of me does. This relates back to the feelings, because if my anxiety starts to go up thinking about crowds, the observer will watch and try to provide reasons why the anxiety doesn’t need to be there. That battle is a long feud between my ever-present anxiety and my rational self. The anxiety isn’t as simple as talking myself out of it. When I was young, my parents got a prescription for Clonidine (a powerful muscle relaxer) to control my nightly anxiety attacks. I took it nightly for over 7 years beginning at the age of 4 because I had anxiety attacks every night. The crucial years of my development of emotional processing were robbed by gaslighting and numbing medication. I’m still learning how to process anxiety.
As the observer and the skeptic, I am also able to view the world through a beautiful lens. I question everything, which has given me a drive for learning. When someone says the sky is blue, I dig into what other colors it could be and why. I love it. I want to know more about everything and what entangles it. My reality has become a unique combination of dancing to the beat of my own drum and learning the hard way. While my knowledge of classic 80s and 90s movies is next to nothing, my drive to learn more about what Marcus Aurelias said that can still be applied today is burning. You may be in awe of a full moon with your significant other. In the same situation, I am thinking about the millions of people who have seen the moon before me, what they thought, how many people have been in love before, what the moon looked like without light pollution, and how freeing death might be.
If you were to meet me, you wouldn’t guess this is what goes on in my head. I am pretty well adjusted to the world, and even though I’m introverted, I love having a connection with people. I will look you in the eyes as we talk. I will listen deeply and give you the space to be here. I am aware that your presence in my life and my presence in your life may be short, or long-term. I know we may be friends one day and enemies the next. All of that remains at the front of my brain, for protection, but I appreciate it being there. Nothing lasts forever, so while you are here with me, I want to listen to you and understand you.
So now that you know some of what goes on in my head. I hope that I have helped someone feel a little less lonely. If you are a narcissistic abuse survivor, I know it’s hard to feel the ground beneath your feet. Your greatest weapon is your comeback from the abuse and cutting off all contact with those that have hurt you. You don’t need validation to be right, but you do need a sense of what IS right to help guide you. That comes from being around people who want the best for you and getting some help. Your abuse was real, your reactions were real, and if you ended up acting like a narcissist (because children act like their parents,) you are forgiven for all the hurt that you caused. Your next step forward is always better than no steps at all. If having a skeptical mind is your way of feeling grounded, great. Just remember, not everyone is a bad guy 😊
And if anyone listening has ever questioned their reality, feelings, or situations, why not invite an observer to the party to help document and see things from a different perspective? Try it out, you may like what the other you has to say 😊.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on Twitter @mindchicken, Instagram at chickenmindnuggets, or leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Monday May 23, 2022
Ep. 41 Boiled Tanked
Monday May 23, 2022
Monday May 23, 2022
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
It was back in 2008 I had just joined the military and I was clueless about what military life was like. I got on the plane from the Great Lakes recruiting center (lovingly named Great Mistakes) and headed to San Diego for Sonar training. I was slated to be there for about 9 months so I could complete basic A school before I got sent off to a ship. At that point, I have never been to San Diego, and it was one of the reasons I chose orders to be a Sonar Tech. I arrived in San Diego, looking like shit. Let me describe this to you. Before I joined the military, I had a pixie cut. I was a little overweight, and I let myself go a little bit. When I joined the military, my hair was out of regs, so I had to let it grow out into regs. The problem was I couldn’t cut it, because that would be out of regs again, and my command said I could go to captain’s mast. I had to grow out my pixie cut in all the awkward stages of its horrible glory without any maintenance, which left me with a rat’s tail and awkward growth all over my head. On top of that, the Navy had the utilities, which consisted of a baggy blue shirt and high-waisted dark blue pants which gave everyone a fupa. It was not my best look.
I started smoking again because everyone did and it was a way to escape the long hours of sonar training while getting to know people. When I was in the Navy, you didn’t get a break unless you smoked, which is what I learned early on in A school before even heading to a ship. You also got to meet new people because they would come by and hang out at the smoke deck to catch the roach coach or sit at the picnic-style tables that were nearby.
There weren’t many women in A school, and I didn’t care for many of them because I got along better with men. I tried to be friends with some of the women, but I never felt 100% comfortable. Luckily, that was about to change.
In comes Boiled. OK, her name isn’t really Boiled, but I’ll get to that in a minute. We hit it off instantly. If you were to meet us at face value, you wouldn’t think that we would belong together. I smoked, drank heavily, hung around with fun, but awful people, and was making some pretty bad decisions. Boiled was (and is) beautiful, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink much, and is a preacher’s daughter. Lifestyle-wise, we were the opposite, but we became friends with a bond that didn’t break even after a 12-year separation.
Remember I said her name wasn’t Boiled? It’s not, it’s Boyle. In the military we go by our last names. She started hanging out with me, and that meant going to the bar. A lot. And going to Ocean Beach. And sometimes the two were combined and sometimes we tried to get to Ocean Beach from the bar at Point Loma, but we were too drunk so we offered strangers $5.00 to let us ride in the boat they were towing so we could get to Ocean Beach. Sometimes we stayed at the bar, because it was male stripper night, and when it is male stripper night, you don’t party lightly. Boiled had never experienced male strippers before, but it was not my first rodeo. I put $100.00 on top of the bar and told the bar tender, whatever she wants, she gets. We put dollars in strippers’ underwear, and the look on her face as crotch was dancing from the left side to the right side of her head, was epic. To say it was a bonding moment, would be an understatement. She asked me what an orgasm felt like, and I don’t remember this, but she told me I described it to her. We did a lot of late night, hard partying, drunken sailor shenanigans for months. We even went to Ocean Beach and got tattoo’s. Boiled got one, then another, then another. I got my chest tattooed, and Boiled got another. Boiled even got a boyfriend!
We suffered through PT together after being freshly tatted, we suffered through mandatory study hall time because the class wasn’t getting good grades, we suffered through weekly Friday night lectures about not going to Tijuana, we suffered through command uniform inspections and impossible shoe shines unless you had Vaseline, we suffered through the unspeakable drama of a building filled with women sharing rooms and bathrooms with showers that had no barriers. But we also suffered through beautiful west coast sunsets, amazing food, lots of laughter, first time experiences, hanging out at lib hall, and becoming amazing friends.
So after being indoctrinated into the world of drunken sailor shenanigans in San Diego for over 8 months, Boyle, became Boiled. And I became Tanked. And that’s how we became Boiled-Tanked.
Now in San Diego, I hung out with some people who were the very wrong crowd. This is where I was left in a hotel room naked. This is where one of the most abusive narcissistic relationships I have ever had began. This is where I was lied to by the command after getting approved to continue to tech school. And this is where I found out I was going to Norfolk…the one place every sailor at A school said never to go.
One day in class, all of us were sitting at the desks when we learned that orders came in and we would be getting orders to our commands that day. I wanted to stay in San Diego, Boiled wanted Japan. In comes STG2 someone and orders were written on the board like a pick list of jails you had to choose to serve your time in. Boiled got her Japan. I was so happy for her. My only option after the class rankings were picked was Norfolk. I was furious. I couldn’t choose Japan for various reasons, but Norfolk felt like I was being sentenced to Alcatraz in modern times, even though it’s a fricken museum.
That day, I wanted so badly to celebrate her happiness, and I was happy for her. I was so devastated by my orders that I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in a couple of hours. I’ll save the details of the Norfolk orders for another episode. All I knew was she was going far away, and I might never see her again.
A few months later, Boiled left. She went to Japan, and I went to Norfolk. It was hard to stay in touch, but we had Facebook and sent each other messages when we could. We had an unexpected rendezvous on one of the ship’s secret communication channels that we were both unknowingly manning one day. I saw STG3 Boyle on the screen and my fingers raced so fast to verify if this was her. Boiled?? I typed waiting for a response. Tanked?? She typed back confirming my suspicions. It was Boiled! We were ecstatic and talked briefly because that channel was for other things, but that brief moment was a rare ray of sunshine in the terrible world of being stuck on a destroyer in Norfolk.
As the months went by, things kept getting worse for me. I got really sick on the ship, and constantly had digestive issues. I couldn’t eat a lot, and dropped to 109 pounds. My grandmother died, and I told my family if they wanted me to come out, the only way I can be released from the ship is for them to send a red cross message. My family refused to send one, saying they think I should just be able to come home. But that’s not how it works in the military, and they refused to hear it. I had an investigation going on, contributed by the same narcissistic person I was involved with in San Diego. He hacked into my accounts and sent fake emails from them, then threatened severe damage if I didn’t do what he said. The people on the ship played a sandwich punching game where they punched your sandwich at chow. I’m not kidding, they physically punched your sandwich. When my food was punched, I couldn’t eat it, so there went my meal. I was terribly seasick for years, and I was made fun of for sleeping in other spaces because the girls in birthing were loud 24/7. I was sleeping 2 hours a night because on deployment the new captain realized no one on the ship was qualified to stand an armed watch due to the poor administrative upkeep of the prior master at arms, so 2 other people and myself were put in charge of getting everyone qualified, re-trained, sometimes re-OC sprayed, and documented before we hit land. This is when I switched from Sonar to the antiterrorism force protection team because the people in sonar were physically fighting with each other, stealing from one another, and gossiping. They even held a meeting where they made me sit down and one of my senior techs said, OK we’re all going to take turns telling you what we hate about you. So they did, for hours, and I had no chief to back me up.
To put icing on the cake, I received a message on Facebook from a friend in Washington state that I went to A-school with saying the narcissistic person I was involved with raped his wife, and if I ever see him, tell him he will kill him. I forwarded this message to the narcissist because they were at the same Navy base together, and left it at that. A few days later, my Master chief said they were aware of a message I had on Facebook and they need access to it. I don’t know how they knew, but I had to obey, and I told them I will get them the message, but I want nothing to do with the situation. I had to speak with the XO, the CO, you name it, everyone, about what I knew, and I kept saying, I don’t know anything, this happened in Washington, I’m in Norfolk, I got a Facebook message, and I warned the person, that’s it. And not too long after, my accounts were hacked. By guess who.
When all of this, plus more that I won’t get into for the sake of time, happened, I had a breaking point. I realized I could no longer live in the world that I was living in, and I decided to leave it. My mental state was destroyed and I didn’t know what was real and what was happening. Little did I know this was some of the worst narcissistic abuse syndrome symptoms which was exploding from my narcissistic upbringing and the current situation. It was a breakdown, of unimaginable proportions. While I was getting out of the Navy, I sent a message out on Facebook that I will no longer be on Facebook because not only was I getting harassed, but I wanted to start my life over. I wanted to leave the Navy life behind, move to Arizona, and leave the me that I knew so I could create a better me. I was so sick, so distraught, so fed up and hurt that I had to wipe the slate clean, start therapy, and start from scratch. So I sent a goodbye message, and Boiled and I didn’t speak for 12 years. I remained off of social media until I started my podcasts, but I have not been back on Facebook.
One day my co-workers and I at my current job were sharing military stories. I talked about Boiled, how amazing she was, and all of the great times we had in San Diego. I was wondering what happened to her, so I decided to see if I could Google her. And there she was. On a Navy page listed as Senior Chief Boyle. I couldn’t believe it. We were in A school together as little E1- and E2’s, and now, she’s an E8. I was blown away, and was so proud of her. I wanted to see her, get a hold of her, but I didn’t have Facebook. I talked to my husband, and he searched for her in his Facebook. Is this her? Nope, that’s not her. How about this one? Nope, that’s not her either. This one? No, sorry, still not her. This one?
Yes! It was her! He found Boiled!! She looked amazing! After 12 years, here she was, a senior chief petty officer sonar tech, which if you don’t know, is a pretty big deal in the Navy.
Now came the hard part, connecting with her. You see, I had a lot of time to reflect and forgive myself for my prior life, and I have come miles since my years in the Navy. I look back on it and I’m tremendously grateful for the experiences and the wisdom I have as a result of the experiences. But this doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same. There are certainly people out there who only hold me in a negative light, using my past actions as a definition for my character, and that’s OK, because that’s their journey to realize people change. But I didn’t know if Boiled held me in a negative light, or a positive light. What would she say if my husband reached out to her for me? “Oh yea, we knew each other in San Diego, hope she is doing good, thanks, bye.” Or maybe no response at all, which tells you everything you need to know. Boiled knew me as a mess, as a drunken, lost, abused, scared person who drank to get rid of some of the problems that the drinking caused. Could she hear my name and hate me for helping to turn a preacher’s daughter into a tattoed, drinking, cussing, sailor? Would she only remember my disasters, and my sorry attempts for trying to put myself back together? Would she remember our laughter, our fun, our jokes, and our connection? Asking my husband to reach out, was one of the scariest things I have ever done because it opened the door to a past that I had closed.
He reached out, and said you don’t know me, but you know my wife. She says she knows you as Boiled, and you know her as Tanked. She’s doing well, lives in Arizona, and wants to connect.
The time from when my husband sent that message until he heard back was nerve-wracking. I knew that my Buddhist training helped and kicked in when a deep voice said it is OK if she doesn’t want to talk, and I knew that voice was right. But the unknowing of what she would say, was like waiting for a jury verdict.
Boiled responded. She wanted to connect. Oh my God, she wants to talk. And she sent me a message on November 2nd, 2020: Hey Tanked! It’s Boiled! Your husband sent me your number on Facebook. I told him I would plan to call you this weekend if that works for you?”
Tears flooded my eyes as I was typing back my schedule and we were coordinating our rendezvous. We decided to meet on What’s App, and for the first time in 12 years, Boiled-Tanked was really about to happen. I was in my tiny house, staring at my phone. She’s gonna call, she’s gonna call, OMG, Boiled, I’m gonna cry, holy shit, holy fuck. And then she called. The moment we saw each other we screamed and cried. The first 30 minutes were nothing but crying. If we said words, they were masked by tears, but all we knew was how happy we were that we were seeing each other. I held nothing back, she didn’t either. It was pure love, and connection and a reunion that was far overdue, but perfectly timed. We caught up on everything, and kept crying through the process. Everything felt right, everything felt better, and that scary door I opened to my past was met with her light rather than a scary dark unknown that I had anticipated. Boiled was back. And so was Tanked.
Boiled went though a lot in her time in the Navy. Her relationship with the guy in A school ended and he was found guilty of let’s say inappropriate pornography. She was a victim of sexual assault and was mistreatment by her fellow sailors. She wanted to get out, she hated the environment, but stayed with it and came back to the U.S and was stationed in Washington state. She traveled to the East coast and served in DC, then went back to San Diego, and now is in Norfolk with only 6 years left before she retires. Her career had frustrations, heartbreaks, anger, friendships, love, unknowns, deployments, underways, difficult people, losses, and growth. Boiled back in 2008 had no idea she would be going on an amazing and challenging journey, one that brought her to become a person that she loves. How do you continue to face difficult situations everyday, without the ability to quit or take a sick day, surrounded by people you have to agree with until you make rank, and thrown into cultures and situations fresh off of one boat and onto another with no road map of who you will meet and what you will face? Well you face it like a Boiled, a strongly vocaled, stand you ground, head on straight, heart in place, tough as nails Boiled. We can all take a lesson from her.
Throughout all the years I spent wondering if I hurt her, if I ruined her, if she hated me, if she regretted our friendship, if she is OK, if she has found happiness, if she is loved…she spent wondering if I would ever come back.
I had no idea, the impact I had on her. She told me the day I posted the Facebook message was difficult, and she thought I would be back in 3 days. When she realized I wasn’t coming back, it was hard. I couldn’t tell Boiled that I never left her, I left me, and my separation from the world was for the world’s benefit. Boiled set me free when she said she loves the person she is, she cherished us, and the day she got the message from my husband she could hardly contain herself.
Here she is, an important person from my past, who has come back with loving arms. She healed a part of me I left hurt in the closed door of my prior life, and to that I can never repay her enough. We talk as much as we can, and both of our lives are happier and fuller with significant others, wisdom gained, and years fulfilled.
She is listening to this episode, and has anticipated it since I told her I wanted to tell our story. Boiled, since you are listening, I love you. If you needed a left arm, I would give you mine. You have come such a long way from the E2 I knew, and I’m so proud of everything you have done in your life. Your accomplishments are billboard worthy. The things you regret are beautiful stones in your path to becoming even better. Your beautiful smile and personality make the bad in the world become better. Your friendship, is far more valuable than anything I can fathom. You have brought a sense of peace to my life I didn’t think I could have. I never meant to leave you for so long, but throughout all of the things we have been through separately, I’m thankful we get to go through our futures together. When we meet again, drinks are still on me, but we’ll do it better this time.
Thank you for the opportunity of a lifetime to be your friend.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on Twitter @mindchicken, Instagram at chickenmindnuggets, or leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Wednesday Apr 27, 2022
Ep.40 Hedge Trimmers
Wednesday Apr 27, 2022
Wednesday Apr 27, 2022
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
Hello Everyone!
I’m sorry for my long absence. It has been a while since I felt motivated to do some podcasting, and it’s not because of my podcast, it’s because I have been dealing with a heavyweight from work. There is a continuous situation where I am being targeted for following the rule book, and I’m being targeted because it makes the people who are not doing what they are supposed to, look bad. This has led to coming into work every day, being uncomfortable, being belittled, and having my senior techs continuously talk down to me. I’m not someone who gets angry, so I have calmly approached them and tried to have a level conversation about procedures. This approach has not met with a welcome dialogue, instead, it has met with dismissal of my work ethic, and I had a breaking point. I am on a mental health break from work and I am actively looking for a new job. I have been with this company for 10 years, and it is time for me to look for new paths. I hope you didn’t feel like I let you down, I never left podcasting, I just needed a break from the everyday stress that I was bringing home. This mental health break has helped me to re-balance and be the person I want to be to the world. So with that said, Chicken Mind Nuggets is back on its normal schedule, and to start, I would like to share a hilarious true story that I’m sure you’ll love.
I was going through a dry spell and haven’t had sex in a while. My future husband was still in Virginia and I was in Arizona working and building my tiny house. During this dry spell, I didn’t shave, because I didn’t feel like I needed to. It was just me and my own company, so what did it matter if the hedges were overgrowing a little bit? My ancestry is Eastern European, British, and Indian. I have red/brown hair, but very dark and thick body hair. I got laser hair removal on parts of my body including my bikini line, but at the dry spell point of my life, I was out-grown and in my full glory.
Now, at this time when I was building tiny house, there were not a lot of resources or help when it came to equipment, appliances, techniques, or really anything. Tiny houses were a new thing, and no one really new how to cater to the market for them yet. There was wood, and there were windows, portable AC’s, and spray foam, but how do you customize it and put it all together to meet a very different set of dimensions? It was not easy. And for the life of me, I could not find a kitchen sink.
So I came up with an idea in my brilliant mind to look for a heavy duty planter that I can drill a hole in and make it work. Maybe there will be something better in the future if tiny houses become popular (little did I know), but if not, fuck it, I’ll wash my dishes in a pot. So I decide to put on some clothes and head to the Home Depot.
Now, when you are a woman looking at electrical, plumbing, and construction at Home Depot, it can catch people off guard. I wish it didn’t, believe me, one of the frustrating parts about building my house was constantly being talked down to by men who thought what I was doing was “cute.” Growing up with narcissistic parents, I really felt irked when someone invalidated my dream home. So I go to the Home Depot on my scooter because I didn’t have my truck at the time, and I go looking for a sink. There was a really nice older gentleman who came up to me and was trying to be helpful. Then there was another one, and another one. Too many older gentlemen being very nice….my spidey senses were up. I felt weird about being there, but played nice and thanked them for their help and I left with a planter than I tied to my scooter and made it back to my apartment.
And that’s when I realized the reason for their niceness. Remember I told you I didn’t shave? Well what I didn’t tell you is I didn’t wear underwear either. I went without underwear for a couple of years, and I didn’t care if I put on a pair of jeans and my giblets had the close company of some think denim. Fuck, it was freeing, no undies.
But that day, I go to take off my jeans and I realize that my full bush is hanging out of my zipper that I forgot to zip up. I mean, full bush. I should have went to the garden department and asked for hedge trimmers. This bitch was out and making a statement, my bush wanted everyone to know that this cookie has not seen action and this is the consequence of not maintaining the store even though it is closed.
Sooooo………I was ashamed lol. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and shook, but I laughed, I laughed my ass off. What else was I going to do? It was a story for the books, and it lives rent-free in my head.
So here you go, I have shared one of my most embarrassing stories with you all, and I proudly claim it. Hopefully this eases your mind for any embarrassing thing you have done because whether my story is worse or not as bad as yours, getting it out into the open significantly lessens the weight on it. In my head, it’s a shameful, embarrassing story. To the world, it’s a laugh, and laughter is something we all need more of. So your welcome if I made your day, or made you smile. I hope you get the courage to tell your stories, because to the right trusting people, they will unknowingly take a load of its weight.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on twitter @mindchicken, Instagram at chickenmindnuggets, or leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Sunday Jan 02, 2022
Ep.39 Clare’s Trashcan
Sunday Jan 02, 2022
Sunday Jan 02, 2022
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
I applied for a job at a restaurant that served vegetarian and vegan food when I lived on the East Coast. I didn’t have a lot of work experience, but I had restaurant experience and I really believed in the message this restaurant was portraying. The owner, Clare, seemed wholesome and did a lot for the community. Her food was authentic and went far beyond the frozen vegan burgers you get at the supermarket, and went deep into the realm of, “is this REALLY vegan carrot cake?” Her food was expensive, at the time it was $8.00 for a burger, which was a lot for me who was a broke and broken 20-something year old trying to make it in an expensive East Coast city. Unless you had the funds to move out of there, you were stuck being broke because the jobs didn’t pay well, the taxes were high, and the cost of living was high which meant you were often working 2 or 3 jobs just to live.
I put together a fancy resume, which for me was fancy because it portrayed who I was and where I worked, which didn’t consist of much, but I put my best foot forward. I heard Clare was hard to work for, but I really wanted her to know I was worth a shot, that I was worth a chance. There wasn’t anyone else at the time who thought I was worth a dam, so it was up to me to convince strangers that I was worth a dam. I went into the restaurant and asked if Clare was there. Her employee said yes, I will get her, she’s in the back. I’m excited, this restaurant is known around the metropolitan area for their food, awards, and supporting local farmers. I might have a chance to work here and thrive.
Clare comes out, “can I help you?” She said with a “you’re bothering me” type of look. I said hello, I introduced myself, and I said I am interested in working for you. I handed her my resume. She said, “it says here you worked at so and so for 6 months?” I said yes, which was met with a “what are you doing here” look. To clarify, this so and so job was a demeaning retail job that I only quit because I found a better job at a library. I gave my proper 2 weeks-notice and didn’t leave on bad terms. Clare was tall, I am 5’3. She towered over me and looked down at me and my resume and looked back a me again. She said, “thank you,” turned around, and threw my resume in the trashcan behind her counter.
I was devastated. She didn’t even give me a chance. She decided that the person on the paper was not worth her time, and the 3-minute interaction we had was all she needed to determine if I am worth paying. It hurt. It hurt badly because it was another person who said I am not worth a dam, and threw me out in front the whole restaurant. You know what I did? I ordered a burger. I went into the park across the street, and ate it. It is possible she was having a bad day, and I caught her at the worst time. I could have caught her on a good day, and this is how she interacts with people, I heard she is hard to work for, so maybe this is what other people went through. Either way, I was thrown out, into the rubbish. Dismissed.
It took me a long time to process the thought that I AM worth looking at and giving a chance to. Sometimes I still don’t think I am worth a dam, but I do know I am not worth throwing in the garbage.
We sometimes treat ourselves like someone who throws us out because we feel we deserve punishment for out actions. We did something terrible; how could we forgive ourselves? It was so out of character, out of place, how in the world can I ever get over this? Just letting it go doesn’t work because it haunts, the monster comes back to eat more happy moments and shits out depression. I am bad, I am shameful, I am full of horrible, I have done terrible things and this is my definition and the definition from others.
I get it my friend. This is a hard situation to get out of. May I ask you a question? If you were the only person on Earth, who’s opinion of you would matter? It would only be yours, because you are the only person on Earth, right? Now, what if there are 2 people on Earth, who’s opinion of you would matter? Well maybe you want to consider the feedback from the other person, but just because someone else showed up on the planet doesn’t take the power of your self-talk away. You can’t hate yourself into being better. The disgust you have with yourself, the drive that you feel to get rid of these thoughts, can be good motivation to do something totally opposite of what you have done. Maybe you did drugs, and you hurt a lot of people in the process. How unforgivable, you say. You tell this to yourself every day, but you haven’t used the shame to start living a wholesome life. If you did 30 things that were bad, and you have shame for 30 things, do 1 good thing, and watch as the weight of your shame now feels like 29 things. Then do 1 more good thing. Now watch the shame be the weight of 28 things. Now do one more thing, and feel the weight of 28 things become 27 things. Keep this going, you will start to feel better. It doesn’t make up for the bad things, but it counteracts the weight. It balances out. The weight is what has been defining you as a person. You tell yourself, “I’m so bad,” but after 30 good acts you start to feel like a better person, just like after 30 bad acts you start to feel like a bad person. Your definition changes as your acts change. And the perception you give to the world changes.
You have always been worth a dam; despite the changes and actions you took. You were never a bad person; you just did acts that were against the grain and not in alignment with good intentions. You are worth every second of your existence on Earth. You are worth being looked at for more than 3 minutes and you are certainly worth more than what you write on paper. You are worth it my friend. You have value. You are amazing. If anyone tries to throw you out, just know, they are really throwing themselves out because they are losing on an opportunity to know you. You don’t belong in Clare’s trashcan. You belong here, on Earth, with the rest of us faulty beings, taking one day at a time.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on twitter @mindchicken, or leave a review on iTunes, follow me on Instagram @chickenmindnuggets, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Monday Nov 29, 2021
Ep.38 CLS
Monday Nov 29, 2021
Monday Nov 29, 2021
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
Chicken Little Syndrome is characterized by the lack of help from peers, friends, or loved ones, coupled with their driven desire for results. Have you ever worked on a project and everyone wanted to benefit from the results, but not provide any help? Have you ever tried to solve a problem, and everyone is waiting on the solution, but no one offers to help fix it? These are cases of Chicken Little Syndrome. Everyone wants the bread, but no one wants to help plant the wheat. It’s common among work groups, friend circles, and within families, but we don’t know what to call it besides, “irritating.” You are working hard to plant and grow the wheat, water it every day, turn the wheat into flour, and make breads that everyone wants to enjoy. This type of results-sucking is unfortunate, because I don’t think a lot of people know they are a part of a Chicken Little Syndrome scenario. I am aware of the real story on chicken little; how they thought the sky was falling and the story of the little red hen is the one who made the bread. But feeling the weight on your shoulders of everything depending on you is why I am calling it Chicken Little Syndrome. We all have tendencies to stand back and let someone else run the show because we are too afraid, or too unskilled to be able to participate. Sometimes we prefer to turn the other way and not look at the train wreck because you don’t want to see the disaster, but you want to know the outcome. Why do we stand back and let one person, one little chicken do all the work, or take all the heat? Is it our nature or nurture to self-preserve to the point to where we lose our compassion for the person who is bearing the weight of the world? When we step back from the situation and feel relief that it is not us going through it, do we also feel the loss of being connected to another human being? Why can’t we use our pair or grow a pair in needed circumstances? I think some of us are born to plant and harvest wheat and some of us are born to bake the bread, but all of us are able to see the situation from an outside the farm situation and observe who is doing the most work. How have you felt when your boss leaves you with the sole responsibility for a project when you know 14 more hands can help? Are you leaving someone else trapped in their circumstance because this is your way of getting back at your boss?
I think it’s important to point out when Chicken Little Syndrome is happening because it reminds the group that everyone bears responsibilities. Not everyone will take their fair share, in fact I work with certain people who refuse to help and do the work correctly because of their attachment to their ego-driven soap-box pillar of rightful thinking. It matters that you point out what is happening. Call out the elephant in the room. Embrace the discomfort that you will go through by being observant and outward. You won’t get everyone to be on board with you and some people will be pushed away further once you point out that they are a part of Chicken Little Syndrome. The point isn’t to shame anyone, or label anyone as bad or lazy, it’s to bring to light a harmful situation with group benefits created by one person. Chicken Little Syndrome is also a chance to check your boundaries. Did you end up in this situation because you say yes too much or didn’t ask for help? Have you taken a third-person look at yourself to see if you have isolated people from working with you? Have you kept knowledge to your self that only you know which puts you in a risky/valuable/selfish situation? Chicken Little Syndrome can be self-induced.
The sky may be falling, the bread may need baking, the field may need tilling, and the plants may need watering. Don’t try to hero yourself into a burn-out position with left-over guilt that turns into “woes are me’s” about not at least trying to ask for help. You can tell the world that it is too heavy and other Earthly citizens need to help you with weight. Those that have checked themselves for self-induced Chicken Little Syndrome will be the ones who take a couple of pounds off your back.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on twitter @mindchicken, Instagram @chickenmindnuggets, or leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Saturday Oct 30, 2021
An Interview with Chuck Bergman
Saturday Oct 30, 2021
Saturday Oct 30, 2021
Hello, my friends. Today’s episode is different from the norm. This is an interview episode with my longtime friend Chuck Bergman. For Halloween, I wanted to release something a little different. This episode gets into the thick of the afterlife and hopefully answers questions you have had for some time. I am not becoming an interview show, but getting a chance to sit down with Chuck and have this conversation was one I couldn’t pass up. Whether you are a skeptic or a long-time believer in psychics, I hope this interview with Chuck can broaden your perspective. Chuck is available for phone and in-person readings and you can book a session with him at chuckbergman.com. Chicken Mind Nuggets will resume normal micro-podcast episodes in November.
Chuck was born in Jacksonville Florida and is a third-generation psychic medium, following his mother and grandmother. He realized his gifts at an early age, but kept it under wraps for years. Chuck went on to serve in the United States Navy for 4 years overseas and during the Vietnam War where he was assigned to Special Ops and Radar Operations on aircraft carriers Shangri-La and John F. Kennedy. After the military he served 32 years as a motorcycle officer, patrol officer, computer and media specialist, and accident reconstructionist in Salem, Massachusetts. Since retirement and going public as a psychic medium, the A&E Channel and The Biography Channel have featured Chuck his own pilot program Psychic Search. Chuck has also been a repeat guest on many live radio shows, including Coast to Coast AM, where Chuck and I met and began our friendship over 10 years ago.
In addition to regularly holding sessions and giving readings as a medium, Chuck has helped numerous police departments around the world locate missing persons, solve murder cases, and assist several law enforcement agencies across the country and internationally with ongoing investigations. He regularly holds group and private sessions in Middleburg, Florida, and does phone readings with clients worldwide via Skype. Chuck is passionate about educating people on the concept of life continuing after so-called death. He has also completed classes in meditation techniques, psychic mediumship, advanced mediumship, and Reiki. James Van Praagh, the world-renowned psychic medium, teacher, and co-producer of the CBS drama The Ghost Whisperer, highly recommends Chuck for psychic mediumship readings and lists Chuck on his website. Chuck co-authored the book The Everything Guide to Evidence of an Afterlife (published in 2011) and wrote his autobiography Psychic Cop published in 2012.
Here are some of the questions we talk about today:
*Tell us a little more about yourself and your background, your time as a cop, and how you transitioned into a psychic
*Were your abilities taken seriously when you were a cop?
Were you able to share your hunches with your police unit or did you keep them to yourself?
*What was the transition from cop to psychic like for you and your family?
*What is a day like in the life of Chuck?
*How did you know you were connecting with spirits and not going crazy?
*Is it more important for parents to have an open mind when their kids are talking to them about the afterlife and seeing spirits as opposed to a skeptical mind?
*Can you describe what it’s like when you are in the moment connecting with someone on the other side, does it feel like you are in an alternate reality?
*How do we tell when a spirit is communicating with us? Is it different for everybody?
*How do animals communicate to you in the afterlife?
*Why do spirits talk in clues or hints and why do they have limited time to talk to us?
*How much influence would you say spirits have over our daily lives?
*When a person enters the afterlife, are they automatically assigned guardian roles over their loved ones?
*Do your loved ones on the other side have a choice to not look after you?
*Is there a general consensus among spirits about human actions like conflict, jealousy, revenge, love, and generosity?
*Are we more comedic or tragic to spirits as they watch our interactions?
*Does everyone have their own version of heaven or hell they create in the afterlife like in the movie What Dreams May Come?
*Is everything already planned out for our lives?
*Is there a reward/punishment system for spirits like how we have on Earth if a spirit does something good or bad?
*How do aliens fit in with the spirit realm?
*Looking at reincarnation, does a spirit have a limited amount of time in the afterlife before they have to reincarnate?
*How does a person’s spiritual practice on Earth help them prepare for the afterlife or does it have any influence at all?
*Does a stronger and more realistic spiritual practice on Earth help to prepare for the transition into the afterlife?
*When someone is dying, how does their fear or comfort level influence their transition into the afterlife?
*Would you share your most memorable spirit connection?
*How would you summarize the experience on Earth and the experience in the afterlife? You have a shirt that says, “it’s simple, be kind.” Would you say that is what this experience on Earth is all about?
*Is there a message you would like to share with everyone about the afterlife?
Sunday Aug 29, 2021
Ep.37 Two Minutes of Deep Breathing
Sunday Aug 29, 2021
Sunday Aug 29, 2021
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
Instagram – chickenmindnuggets
References for this episode
(none, these are my own experiences)
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
This is a unique episode, it’s something more along the lines of a guided meditation. I have been wanting to do this for a while, so I’m glad I have the opportunity to record and share this with you. Breathing has been an important part of my journey in remembering to be in the present moment and get air in my lungs when I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are a lot of articles, YouTube clips, and Instagram articles describing the benefits of deep breathing from a reduced sense of stress, to increased oxygen in your blood stream. There are also a lot of different types of breathing from 4 in, 8 out, to the Wim Hof method. All of these have their benefits, and it’s great if you follow one, or more than one method. For this episode, I would like to guide you through two minutes of the breathing I use when I start meditation. It’s not revolutionary, it just helps me to count breaths and get clarification during meditation. This is how I start off my meditations, and my breathing changes after I am at a certain point, but for me, this is a great start. I hope it helps you too.
We are going to do two minutes of deep breathing together. I will start with an inhale. Let’s begin, now.
*2 minutes of deep breathing*
Thank you for joining me in these two minutes of deep breathing. I hope it helped you, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on twitter @mindchicken, Instagram at chickenmindnuggets, leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Monday Aug 09, 2021
Ep.36 U-lone
Monday Aug 09, 2021
Monday Aug 09, 2021
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2021/07/seek-you-american-loneliness-review-kristen-radtke/619578/?utm_source=pocket-newtab
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
One of my favorite things is spending time alone. I love doing things by myself. I lived alone for years, and loved having myself to myself. I would do a lot by myself such as go to restaurants, go hiking, and improve things for the tiny house. I would go to bed alone, eat alone, and watch TED talks alone. There was nothing wrong with it, it was awesome to be able to do things by myself because I enjoy my own company. People would ask me if I hated being lonely, but that is different than being alone. Alone means you and you. There isn’t anyone else with you. Lonely means you feel as if no one else is around you, no one understands you, or sometimes it means you feel that no one cares for you. Alone is a state, it’s an experience, it is a time in space not occupied by anyone else but you. Lonely is a feeling, it’s a mental state plagued by feelings of depression and sadness. We can feel lonely by being alone, but we can also feel fulfilled by being alone.
There is a widely distributed feeling that we should feel bad for those of us who are alone. We think they shouldn’t go to the movies alone, or eat dinner alone because surely, they would be happier if they found somebody. There is somebody for everybody, right? I think the opposite – I think we would be more content within ourselves if we spent considerable time alone. At the end of the day, you are your longest commitment because you live in your body, so you should enjoy your own company. Women are frequently criticized when doing something alone. People think, “she’s so independent,” or, “maybe that bitch can’t find anyone to be with.” Men are attacked as well and receive just as harsh or worse criticism.
Loneliness can be contagious, look at how many pieces of art have been created depicting it? When someone looks at it, they can feel what the artist was conveying. Maybe they resonate with the work and remember their past loneliness or can relate because of their current loneliness. Loneliness regardless of how it’s felt has a function: to serve as a reminder that something is wrong and needs a course adjustment. But loneliness is a misery loves company emotion because it breeds more loneliness.
We are in a time of weird loneliness because we have had to quarantine ourselves for months, and our normal social interactions are halted. Many of us are out of or are coming out of quarantine, and some of us through this have appreciated our time being alone. This goes beyond the extrovert/introvert argument of how people re-charge, and gets into a deeper state of self-realization – you have to tolerate living with yourself. And here is where loneliness can breed one of the best opposite feelings in the world – love. If you can’t tolerate it, you probably don’t love it. This includes yourself.
Tolerating is a mild form of comfort, it says that you allow a certain amount of play within a realm, but the boundaries are definite. It can be a form of giving up, a form of giving in, and a form of letting go. Tolerating is that middle ground between loathing and love, there movement is closely observed in case something goes astray. This point is crucial to be at when it comes to your relationship with yourself. You are the one setting boundaries, you are the one closely observing, you are the one who is at play, and if you can’t stand any of it, then something has got to change. To move from loathing to love, you can move the boundaries, or change the rhythm of the dance you have been dancing which is no longer working for you, or ask for help in seeing where would be a good first place to start making improvements. Something is better than nothing. One realization, one mini enlightenment, is infinitely better than no movement at all. The goal isn’t to get to where you look at yourself in the mirror every day and hug yourself, the goal is to get to the next step in the process which could be enjoying 10 minutes out of the 24 hours of your day.
The internet is full of resources on how to enjoy your own company, so I’m not going to tell you to meditate, or take a walk, or practice gratitude. These are all wonderful things that have helped me and many other people, but I will say, try doing something you love (that is healthy and doesn’t hurt anyone or anything) while loving you are doing it. Paint, and love that you are painting. Cook, and love that you are cooking. Watch the monsoons, and love that you are watching the monsoons. Every day you can move a little more towards being your own friend. And when you have yourself and yourself as company, then you are not alone or lonely.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please follow me on twitter @mindchicken, or leave a review on iTunes, listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts, or visit chickenmindnuggets.com
Saturday Jul 24, 2021
Ep.35 The J's
Saturday Jul 24, 2021
Saturday Jul 24, 2021
Chicken Mind Nuggets.
Hosted by Wifey
Chickenmindnuggets.com
@mindchicken
References for this episode
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=J%20Guy%27s
https://www.buzzfeed.com/sydrobinson1/guys-whose-name-starts-with-the-letter-j-tweets
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/four-reasons-you-shouldn-t-exist?utm_source=pocket-newtab
Introduction music graciously provided by
Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)
I have mostly dated people whose names begin with the letter J. I don’t know why. When I look back at my dating history, 90% of the names begin with a J. Weird right? I don’t know how that happened, but the “success” rate of my relationships beginning with the letter J is slim to none. If you think of a J name, I probably dated them. They had some similarities too, but that is my fault with my history of dating projects and men who were not right for me.
I didn’t realize that I dated men with the same first letter until a couple of years ago. It hit me like a bullet, it was fast and mind blowing. It didn’t change my life like a spiritual quote or a right of passage ritual, but it has never left an expensive portion of real-estate in my mind. Why J’s? Is it because there are so many names that begin with that letter? Maybe I met a lot of people with a J name and it’s a coincidence?
I started looking online for any research related to this and I came across good old Urban Dictionary. Here is their definition of J-guys: “J guys are males you want to stay away from in a relationship. They have traits like anger issues, cheating, ignoring, self-centered, and show no emotions. They can act like they care very well. J guys will use you until you aren’t useful anymore to them, then they will walk away easily. I advise you to stay away from J guys. Don’t be fooled by them.”
“I think I really like this guy!”
“Oh dang really? What’s his name?”
“Jordan”
“Oh. I’m sorry but he’s a J guy, you should walk away before it’s too late”
Quora.com said that dating someone who’s name starts with J is about frequency because quote, “names starting with the letter J account for 18 out of the 100 most common boy birth names over the past 100 years.”
Buzzfeed has a webpage called: “16 Tweets for Anyone who’s Dated a Guy Whose Name Starts with the Letter J.” I read them all, you should take a minute to read them too.
So, I’m not the only one who has dated every letter J. But why are there so many of us? I think statistically this makes sense, and I don’t put any stock into the, “all J’s are crazy” theory because everyone has their own experiences.
The mathematician Hermann Weyl gave a great definition of symmetry relating to physics: “A thing is symmetrical if there is something you can do to it so that after you have finished doing it, it looks the same as before.” This sounds pretty easy to understand. It’s essentially a copy and paste.
I was thinking of this definition and how people follow symmetry in their lives. We have similar experiences, that’s why there are labels, definitions, and entire studies done on us, to us, and for us from personality traits to mental health illnesses. We have symmetrical experiences, but we are not symmetrical. It’s the asymmetry which makes us unique, and pulls us together. Here is an example: if everything was symmetrical, we could say the Earth would be exactly like space: a vacuum. But we know nothing can live in these conditions, so we need atmosphere to survive. The atmosphere is not the same as the conditions in space, so it’s the asymmetry which creates balance. It restores order to the force.
When you look at all of the other asymmetrical patterns of nature, everything falls into place. Water is different than fish, but they need each other. Trees are different than Earth, but they need each other. You are different from your partner, but you need each other. It’s the balancing of opposites which creates harmony.
Maybe J’s are the opposite for so many of us, but a necessary asymmetrical element that drives by to teach us about ourselves? Maybe the weird symmetry of J names across all of our experiences creates symmetrical patterns that encompass enough for a psychoanalyst to eventually study? Maybe none of this is related, and the universe has simply helped put so many J names on baby’s faces that everything is still random and we are over analyzing this whole thing.
I dated a lot of J’s, but now I’m married to an A. I broke the pattern and created asymmetry, which has brought more balance into my life than any pattern I ever had before. I think the symmetry is our comfort zone, and we all know that is a dangerous place to be in. Creating chaos out of order is sometimes necessary to rearrange your room. Maybe getting rid of, or past the J’s will spark joy, or inspire you to get rid of more in your life, or maybe J names work for you and you have only dated M’s. If you can do something to it so that after you are done, it looks the same as before, then maybe you haven’t moved an inch. Maybe it’s time to make something asymmetrical, and see what you can attract into your life. Date a J, date a K, marry a P, do what is right for you. Just…. maybe not date ALL the P’s, OK?
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